Better Than the Hand is not only a unique and effective guide to improve your sex life, this book, unlike any other, links our repressed culture around male sexuality and male masturbation to the way straight male sexuality manifests itself — often in ghastly ways. Everyone needs to read this book.
When I first started experimenting with cock rings the one question I never thought I’d have was ‘how do you put them on?’ I mean, you just slide it down your shaft and ‘bingo!’ right? Little did I know there are a variety of different types of rings and a variety of different ways to use them. And if you don’t have some basic information about their use, you can easily suffer the pains of squished balls, pinched balls, plucked pubic hair, incredibly tight fits and embarrassing fumbling in the presence of your sexed-up partner. Believe me, there’s no better way to kill the moment than entangling your scrotum in a cock-ring knot.
When I mentioned I brought something back from a trade show called ‘a liquid vibrator’ that, when applied, would create a harmonic hum to gently buzz her clit, my girlfriend immediately stripped down, flopped on the bed with open legs, closed her eyes and told me to get busy with it.
Most people don’t know that condoms are considered a ‘Class II Medical Device’ and, as such, are subject to FDA testing and regulation. Manufactures test all condoms electronically for holes and other defects and they manually test select condoms from every batch. The FDA also conducts its own tests of condoms and randomly conducts on-site inspections of manufacturing plants.
Great sex is less about learning specific tactics and more about developing tact. The best way to figure out if there’s room for improvement is to look at the image that comes to mind when you hear the word, ‘sex.’ If you think sex = intercourse, you have a lot to learn. The good news is, most of us are in the same boat, so no one’s likely to notice any shortcomings. But a few simple tips will not only radically improve your sex life, they will set the foundation for a great relationship over time.
The combination of a warm sleeve with a warm lube makes for an experience of entry that is unparalleled.
How to Gamify Your Sex Life: Toys and the Art of Foreplay
Creating ‘the mood’ usually conjures up images of romantic dinners, candles, music, soft lighting, sexy talk, etc. While just fine, they’re not exactly unique scenarios and they usually don’t result in relationship growth. Toys, however, are great transitions to sexy-time, offer genuine opportunities to explore new sexual dynamics and open the door to intimacy and profound trust. What’s really unique about toys is that they make the process of moving from a normal evening into a heated bedroom session so fun: in short, they ‘gamify’ sex! Here are just a few examples of how toys can bridge foreplay and orgasm.
Straight men are WAY behind the curve in experimenting with sex toys to enhance both self-pleasure and partner sex, and a lot of guys are really embarrassed to even talking about toys, let alone buy and use them. In short, they can use some help.
Most straight men are pretty cock-centric and penetration-focussed when it comes to their idea of pleasure—so there are certainly a lot of toys that meet that need. But toys can also be used to enhance partner sex, explore new boundaries and develop a better understanding of each other’s bodies and interests. So let’s take a quick look at toys that are effective and fun, but let’s also talk about how you might introduce the toy in ways that will have him begging for more—toys, that is
Flavored Lubes Make Oral Sex Fun–and Tasty!
When considering the effectiveness of any toy or product, I like to look at whether the it offers stress-free and fun ways to enjoy new experiences. In this light, flavored lubes just might be the best gateway drug for sex there is. Dribbling lube over your cock and asking your partner to tell you which flavor they prefer is both fun and incredibly sexy! Seriously: when I received my first set of flavored lubes, I did just that: I squirted it over my hard cock and asked my partner what they thought of the flavor. Then I squeezed another sample over my cock and asked the same. And again, until they had tasted them all. I approached it all very professionally and when they found a flavor they liked and started to devour my tasty cock, I had to literally pull them from me with an audible ‘POP!’ as their taught lips left the tip.
When men don’t know the toys they use with their lovers, they’re pretty much guaranteed to use them poorly. You need to USE the toys yourself in order to understand how they work and what they feel like. If you don’t want to buy them, you can always go to a store with good sales reps and get to know the toys better by holding them, seeing how they feel, how they buzz, etc.
TENGA products achieve a level of aesthetics unlike anything else. While many aspire to blend art and function (like Lelo), TENGA IS art, and the experience they enable is transformative. Their products are just stunning! The design. The colors. The shapes. The packaging—but it doesn’t end there. TENGA’s products are well thought-out: they work!
When you name your product after a hands-free masturbation device, popular among death row inmates, made up of a dirty old sock, vaseline (or toothpaste, if not available) and a toilet paper tube, wedged firmly between a mattress, you have to wonder about not only the product but the people behind it.
Hair removal for men can be a sensitive subject. A man’s body hair can be a source of pride or shame, and for some men it can feel closely related to gender identity. It is also a sensitive region that does not come with an instruction manual (side note: my ikea-style instruction manual for dicks is forthcoming). Even once you get over the idea that grooming makes a man more feminine, and then you get over the idea that being more feminine is in any way a bad thing, you still have to decide what you actually prefer. It is easy to let this question affect your self esteem.
Fuck that noise!
Wouldn’t it be great if you could change the length, girth and texture of your cock at will, providing a completely different experience for your lover every time you had sex? Well, I can do that — and I’m here to tell you, so can you!
My secret: penis extensions!
really-ample-penis-enhancerAnd yes, I do have a size issue, but it’s not what you’re thinking. The only complaint I’ve ever received from lovers is that I am too big — so why would I want to ‘extend’ that? And for some strange reason, it had never occurred to me that changing my cock was a great way to add novelty and surprise, so penis extensions weren’t even on my radar. But as sales for extensions continued to grow at manshop.com, I decided to take a closer look at this under-appreciated category. And what did I find? A collection of amazing works of art, like elegant capes to drape your cock. They’re like fuck fashion!
The Irony of the Alt-Right’s Use of ‘Cuckold’ to Signify Weakness
There’s a lot of discourse around the etymology of the word cuckold today as people try to understand the meaning and history of this word that has suddenly become such a powerful weapon of character assassination by the alt-right. We are dealing with a group of people that is largely ahistorical and intensely nationalistic, however, so digging deep into the etymology or referencing European usage will quickly lead you astray if you want to understand how it’s referenced by, say, Rush Limbaugh.
Let’s be clear about the origin and meaning of the word currently in use: it stems from porn ‘cuckold’ movies made in the San Fernando Valley of Southern California. While this genre has a long tradition, the dominant theme in recent, popular cuckold movies is extremely racially charged: A large, well-endowed African-American man has sex with a white woman in front of her white, submissive husband, who is often humiliated and denigrated in various ways by both the man and the wife. It is an angry and ugly portrayal of one of the more interesting and subtle psychological phenomenon in human sexuality. The porn motif, however, conveniently dovetails with many aspects that drive our current political dialog: fear of race, fear of women’s sexuality, a general sense of a loss of control (associated with liberal policy/globalization), the empowerment of others at the expense of the white male, the rise of minorities and women on the backs of passive white men, et cetera.
The great opportunity to incorporate toys into our partner sex is generally lost because we often approach the topic with the wrong perspective: it’s not about purchasing toys that are marketed as ‘Couples Toys’ that will magically induce orgasms where none existed before, but rather it’s about incorporating your solo sex practices into your partner sex.
As soon as I learned that Lovehoney, makers of arguably the best cunnilingus toy for women, was producing a toy for men, I was thrilled. I’ve seen many lovers clinch their thighs and point their feet in delight while experiencing the exquisite pleasure of 1,000 tongues gently flicking their clit — and I wanted some of that on my cock! I was SO ready for this toy that when it finally arrived I went ‘…huh?! That don’t look right.’
It’s a difficult and scary time to talk about male sexuality. The endless media stream of physical violence and rape cast a long shadow on our cultural landscape. We live in a time where a presidential candidate can brag about non consensual advances and slut shaming, and still be taken seriously.
This isn’t confined to less enlightened segments of the population; even in the most progressive communities there are incidents of rape, dosing and sexual violence. Is this the last gasp of a cultural relic crumbling in the light of transparency? Or is it the beginning of a long process of cultural realignment as puritans respond to decades of lost ground in the culture wars? Either way, as dialog, education and action explore the connection between sexuality and violence, between self-love and empathy, and between the need for explicit verbal consent and the lack of emotional intelligence, we arrive together at this critical point: What happens next? Do we react and respond to control and contain male sexuality? Or work together to explore and expand it?
It is hard not to love the Neon Wand, both as an object and as a sex toy. It is beautiful, fun, and versatile. I liked it the first time I used it, but I didn’t buy one immediately because I wasn’t sure I would actually work it into my sex life if I owned one. At the time I may have been right about that, but the problem was not with the toy but with my sex life.
Luckily, my sex life (and my creativity around sex!) improved since I first used the the Neon Wand, which is now one of my overall favorite toys — for partner sex (second only to my big silicon cock and strap-on harness!).
There is a profound dichotomy between the way men and women view, practice and embrace masturbation, and this rift may be at the core of deep cultural barriers that limit not only healthy sex lives but also compromise basic relations between men and women.
For the past 50 years, sex-positive feminists such as Betty Dodson have worked hard to recast self-pleasure for women as a sign of health, liberation, power and independence. While owning a vibrator or dildo a few decades ago might have suggested a lackluster sex life, it now represents the empowered woman who knows how to manage all of her needs well. Men, however, lack the intellectual and cultural framework to place masturbation at the center of a sexually, emotionally and intellectually vibrant lifestyle. The result: women will talk openly with each other about their toys, their experiences, their interests and the positive affects of masturbation and they generally have more sophisticated understandings of sex, pleasure and gender. Men?…Silence, fear and shame.