A long time ago, when I had a girlfriend who worked as a stripper, I used to pick her up from work in the middle of the night, and sometimes when I got there early, I’d stop by the Live Nude Girls peepshow nearby and check out some of the talent while I was waiting. One evening, I was looking around at some of the other guys at the peepshow, and thought to myself “Man, what a bunch of creepy loners,” or words to that effect, and immediately afterward – like, one second after – I thought “Well, stripper girlfriend or not, I’m here too, aren’t I?” That’s the attitude you have to take with a real feel sex doll – everybody has their reason for being there, and you can’t worry about whether it’s weird or not. You admit to and kind of lean into the fact that fucking a torso is a little weird, but it’s pleasure, and pleasure is something to be striven for, so fuck the haters.
As it turns out, fucking a doll – I got the Fuck Me Silly Sista Mega Masturbator – has some real virtues to it that you don’t really see coming till you’ve done it. The Sista, by the way, is one of a series of similar toys, including the Fuck Me Silly 2 Mega Masturbator, which is the same toy but molded in pink, if race is an issue for you (the Sista costs more). There’s also the Fuck Me Silly Dude, which has a dick, and the Fuck Me Silly 3, which has legs and an ass, if your taste runs more to the undercarriage; I decided that I wanted tits, although in the end they didn’t end up being that much of a factor in how I used it.
The Sista is 12 pounds of soft, pliable material (Pipedream calls theirs Fanta-Flesh, but it’s not that different from any other cyberskin, real-feel, et cetera) that requires some prep for optimum pleasure. Smaller toys like Fleshlights and other more maneuverable masturbators can be bathed in warm water to bring their core temperatures up to something fuckable, but the Sista’s size makes that less feasible; I used instead a hot-water bottle – put it on top of the toy and wrapped the whole thing in a towel and let it sit for a while, made sure the whole thing was warm. While it was getting ready, I played with Vibratex’s Maven sleeve, watching some Bonnie Rotten porn (apparently the Fuck Me Silly used to come in a now-discontinued Bonnie Rotten variety, which seems to have been the same basic shape except with tattoos and a squirting function, which I thought would have been really handy for keeping the lube fresh).
Bonnie and the Maven (a movie I am totally willing to make) kept me in the mood till the Sista was warmed up, and then I embarked on my adventure. And here is what I found out about the life-sized(ish) doll versus the hand-held masturbator: You can fuck it in a way that you cannot really fuck a sleeve, unless you are willing to put enough time and effort into infrastructure that you might as well just buy a doll. I tried kneeling between where its legs would be, tried lifting it up and entering it as though I were holding it by the waist, tried lying on my back and positioning it on top of me, but in the end, the only good solution is to lay it down and lie down on top of it, and that’s where the doll proves its worth.
With a sleeve, you’re using your arm and hand to control the motion, but with the Sista, you end up fucking it in the most natural motion possible – your hips pumping up and down, shuttling forward and back, in exactly the same motion you’d use to penetrate a live partner. You can call it practice or just masturbation, but either way, it’s more natural than lying back with your hand moving by itself. Once I got used to the unusual position – you more or less have to end up on your elbows unless you want to have your face in a pillow or a blanket – I started working on refinements to the experience.
Slight changes of position can make for real enhancements; for instance, the torso is small – only a little over twenty inches from top to bottom – so when you’re on it and in it, the breasts are somewhere between your navel and your nipples. Arching your back makes for a different, shallower angle of penetration, so you get a longer stroke and more consistent stimulation along the length of your shaft, and it also brings you down a little so your chest is in contact with the toy’s breasts; I found the soft rubbing on my own nipples to be intensely pleasurable and had to end up slowing down a bit, which provided yet a different set of stimuli. I also switched back and forth bwetween the Sista and the Maven occasionally – being able to change positions on the doll was cool, but the Maven provides a fine control that allows you to stay close to the edge and tease yourself a little better, and the different texture is a nice change of pace.
I also thought of putting some good porn on a tablet and setting it up where I could watch it while fucking the Sista – you can only look at the bare bed in front of you for so long before you start feeling weird – but it wasn’t long before an even better option presented itself: I was discussing my upcoming review with an online friend who lives in Canada, and she wanted to see it in use, so I worked out a way to show her: using video chat, I arranged it so that my friend’s face was on a tablet in front of me, so that when I was using the Sista, I was looking at her instead of a bare wall, blanket, or whatever else one might be looking at. From her point of view, she could look down the body of the toy and see everything she wanted to see. The whole process made for some pretty hot interaction, and we both ended up having a much better time than if we’d been alone – the Sista can be both part of a more social experience and the impetus for one.
It is an expensive toy (make sure you use a water-based lube so as to avoid degradation – I like ID Glide, but there are dozens of appropriate lubes available), but I’d say if you can get your head around using it without reservation, it’s entirely worth the initial outlay. Using it involves so much more than the same old hand and wrist action that it’s almost deceptive to think of it as just a masturbator. Among other things, it holds the promise of a great deal of future experimentation, both in combination with other toys and as an enhancement to play with other people. I’m looking forward to getting full value out of it.
Julius Prince has been masturbating for three times as long as he has been professionally writing about things people like to masturbate about. After an only barely whelming experience with a Fleshlight, he decided his hands were good enough to do everything he needed done, but he has reversed course on that, realizing that masturbation is like pizza – when it’s good, it’s fantastic, and when it’s not good, it’s still pretty good, so you might as well try as many toppings as you can to find out what makes it great. To that end, his contributions to “Better Than The Hand” will be enthusiastic and, with luck, adventurous.5 Articles