A recent study that is considered one of the first large scale investigations into the affects of an active sex life in men and women over 45 does not bode well for those with the Y chromosome. The data showed that men aged 50-80 who had sex once or more per week were TWICE as likely to suffer a heart attack than their sexless counterparts.
As part of my goal to normalize masturbation and remove the deep shame and stigma around creative self-pleasure for men, I get to talk to a lot of men (and women). Masturbation is a topic they have strong feelings and opinions about but rarely discuss. It’s always a bit awkward at first, but once people get going it’s hard to stop the conversation. Over time, however, one theme continually resurfaced in my talks with men:
While most men are not particularly ashamed of masturbating, they are very worried about what their wives and girlfriends think – and for good reason!
The first step is to avoid the downward spiral of putting your partner in a box by saying things like, ‘I want us to be more adventurous in bed’ or, even worse, ‘I wish you were more adventurous in bed’ (and that’s what everyone hears even when you say ‘we’). While everyone has certain boundaries they might never feel comfortable crossing, as long as people feel safe and supported, most people are willing to consider just about anything. Start by approaching the topic in a way that demonstrates that your partner feels desired, respected and in control of the first step. It might be something as simple as, ‘I am so attracted to you and there are some things that I really want to do with and to you — and I want to tell you these things but I’m worried you’ll see me differently if I do.’ This subtle shift sparks curiosity rather than fear or a sense of deficiency.
All the ‘stick your dick in it’ fantasy-driven marketing and tight association with porn blatantly betrays the transparent intentions of the Fleshlight’s founder. Blewit!, on the other hand, is the cock-child of the former CEO of Aneris, and the altruistic goals stem from a corporate culture dedicated to using self-pleasure as a springboard to sexual enlightenment. The Blewit! is positioned as the humble flag-bearer of a burgeoning movement that is akin to a sexual revolution for men.
If you’ve never tried electrostim before, you might think that shocking yourself (especially on your junk) is only for masochists. Electrostim can be painful, but isn’t always, and the new sensations can be highly pleasurable if you find the right tools and the right intensity levels. If you are nervous about subjecting your cock and balls to this new sensation, you can use these electrostim toys anywhere else on your body. If you do attach the electrodes to your most sensitive bits, rest assured there is no significant risk of damaging the goods.
The boxcover copy for the Multi-Erogenous Zone Massager says it’s “as versatile as your desire,” and that’s not far from the truth. It looks like a tuning fork designed by Salvador Dali; if you put googly eyes on it, it would look like an alien straight out of a Pixar cartoon. Soft silicon with a rigid core, the Tryst looks feminine enough that you might at first wonder what you as a penis-equipped American can do with it, but the answer is “a lot.”
Most guys were so afraid of getting caught masturbating that they learned how to jerk off quietly and quickly to avoid detection. Going straight for the most powerful erotic zone and mastering the skill of rapid ejaculation are bad habits for good reasons, but those highly refined habits come at the expense of appreciating the entire spectrum of erotic experience and developing a nuanced understanding of how to activate zones and build slowly but powerfully towards orgasm. Approaching masturbation with a new perspective is extremely difficult for many men because, again, it’s embarrassing to think they’re doing something wrong, it’s embarrassing to think they don’t know how to have sex and it’s embarrassing to ask for help about almost anything, let alone this. But the first step is to expand the sexual canvass beyond your rod.
Adult online retailer ManShop.com is talking prostate massage, masturbation and more with fetish performer Lance Hart and ManShop.com’s marketing guru Jeff Dillon on Reddit’s AmA from 4 to 5 p.m. PST on Tuesday, August 30.
The Fuck Me Silly Sista Mega Masturbator turned out to be a lot more interesting – and useful – than I thought it would. Here’s why: Using it involves so much more than the same old hand and wrist action that it’s almost deceptive to think of it as just a masturbator; the makers of Fleshlights sometimes call them Stamina Training Units, but the Sista is almost a Sex Training Unit.
The shape of this toy makes it easy to use it hands-free once I insert it. This is a great feature, since it is often difficult to stay coordinated stroking my cock and holding a buttplug at the same time in the middle of an orgasm (especially a good one). Also, if you are worried about it being messy, you can finish up your masturbation session and then go remove the toy afterward in the bathroom or shower. A lot of toys claim to allow this kind of hands-free experience, but in practice they tend to pop right out once I start to come. The Hugo is quite good at staying in place.
I have sampled a lot of sex toys over the years, and most of them fail to catch my interest beyond passing novelty. The M-Gasm attachment is one of the few toys I will probably make a part of my regular masturbation routine. It feels amazing, it’s affordable, it doesn’t take up much space, and it lets me have a different experience than I usually have in masturbation. That is really all I can ask for from a masturbation toy.
VR fundamentally changes the adult viewing experience in two basic ways: first, assuming you’re using the proper headset, the viewing environment is completely immersive; second, the ability to shift the POV with a simple tilt of your head creates the anticipation of imminent discovery laced with just enough interactivity and control to give you a sense of power. that might sound odd, but the viewing experience of VR is very different from that of HD, 3-D or inter-active porn. So if you like to watch, there’s no better way to watch than with VR.
The Mast-Bot Super-Powered Stroker is an interesting tool that requires some innovation to make it worth your while. In form, it resembles nothing quite so much as a fat lightsaber hilt with a Sarlacc mouth where the emitter matrix would be. The Sarlacc mouth, fortunately, is just a soft TPR (thermoplastic rubber) sleeve built to stroke your cock, instead of digesting it for a thousand years. The trick to the Mast-Bot is that it just pushes that chamber up and down your cock, exactly like a Sawz-all type fucking machine except with a pussy on the end instead of a dildo – it’s only about four inches deep, but that’s plenty to work your head and frenulum, which leaves the rest of your cock open for other sensations.
You can use the Mast-Bot as a plain old stroker, holding it in your hand like any other, and get yourself off pretty quickly if that’s what you want, but I decided to try and make it part of something more complete.
It is rare, in the current stage of my career as a slut, to find a really new type of sex toy that I genuinely haven’t tried before. That is what drew me to the Love Botz Rotating Masturbator. Almost all of the obvious combinations of USB powered gadgets with masturbation aids have already been tried ad nauseum, so why hadn’t I ever tried a rotating masturbation sleeve before? Is it that hard to attach a cordless drill to a Fleshlight?
There are many things that drew my interest to this particular toy and one of them is the high tech aesthetics of this fuck sleeve. I need to give credit where credit is due; this toy looks really cool!. It could have come off the set of a porn parody of Tron.
It was 1982 and Italy was playing in the finals of the world cup in Spain. We arrived at the train station in Milan to make our way to a small town just north to visit my Italian relatives and our train pulled in just as the game began.
The station was completely empty.
The platforms were quickly deserted, the rental car agency was closed and we stood alone under the massive, cavernous, arching ceilings. We sat. We waited. We starved. I decided to go to the bathroom. The Milan train station is normally one of the busiest in Europe and the bathroom was clearly designed to accommodate hordes of harried travelers. It was white. Entirely white. The tiles on the floors were white, the walls and ceilings were white, the counters and sinks were white. The giant mirrors reflected white. I paused for a second as I stared down the long line of wall-urinals that seemed to disappear into infinity.
1) Shame and Fear Block Imagination, Pleasure and Personal Growth
For the past 40 years, women have worked hard to recast self-pleasure as a sign of health, liberation, power and independence. While owning a vibrator or dildo a few decades ago might have suggested a lackluster sex life, it now represents the empowered woman who knows how to manage all of her needs well. Men, however, lack the intellectual and cultural framework to place masturbation at the center of a sexually, emotionally and intellectually vibrant lifestyle. The result: women will talk openly with each other about their toys, their experiences, their interests and the positive affects of masturbation. Men?…Silence, fear and shame. Ironically, while women have progressed significantly, men have perhaps regressed. Masturbation is rarely discussed in genuinely curious ways and it’s still associated with a porn-addicted recluse — despite the fact that we KNOW it’s good for us on so many different levels. In addition to the fact that it just feels great, here are some other benefits of masturbation:
On the surface, my first experience masturbating was pretty mundane. I was 12 years old, alone in the house, looking at my dad’s penthouse collection and touching myself. Suddenly I was surprised by an overwhelming sensation of pleasure throughout my whole body. I remember my first thought was “no wonder adults are so obsessed about sex!”
This was my first orgasm. If you count non-orgasmic self touching with sexual motives as masturbation, then I have been masturbating as long as I remember. I was fascinated by sex as a child. I loved looking at pornography, especially comics and stories.
Not every sex toy comes in handy for male masturbation, female masturbation or couples’ play, but here’s a pack with sexytime uses for all three. That’s the fun of the Super Stretch Stimulator Sleeves, a Doc Johnson pack of textured, stretchy phallus sleeves that can be used as cock rings, penis sleeves and/or ticklers. All of these stimulator sleeves have solid solo potential on penises, fingers or vibrators, though some are better suited for male masturbation pleasure than others.
The Super Stretch Stimulator Sleeve assortment is a box of seven clear, rubbery, open-ended penis sleeves of varying sizes. They can be applied to dicks, dildos and fingertips to deliver french tickler-style stimulation to the penetratee.
What really makes this genre of toy unique is the way it fetishizes your own cock. You slip your limp dick in and – voila! – it grows! Most people think of the pump as something that enlarges your cock, but it’s usually used to create an erection and, when used with a cock ring, maintain that erection long enough to have sex — alone or with others. The Robo Suck is battery operated and has a nice the little rubber ‘vagina donut’ entry slot. If you turn the pump on and slip the tip of your cock between the lips, the pump sucks you right in and transforms your limp dick into something of pornstar caliber. This is all about watching your cock mutate right before your eyes into a swollen rod with veins throbbing down your column. It takes on a life of its own! The sound of the pump gains a higher pitch as your cock fills the chamber and the suction becomes increasingly intense, to the point where you wonder if it’s going to pull your cock right off. So the building anxiety about potentially exploding your dick adds an entirely unique erotic charge. It’s sort of like the ‘bubble machine’ scene in Willy Wonka as Charlie and Grandpa drift dangerously close to the giant fan.
There’s a lot of talk about shame connected with the art and the act of masturbation; sometimes it’s overt, immediate and very hard to deal with because it comes from outside yourself, but sometimes you don’t understand the effects until you look back on it from a position of much greater experience, when you’re able to recognize your own participation. When I was a kid, I didn’t have any sense of shame regarding self-pleasure; my parents weren’t especially religious, and in spite of being raised in an at least nominally Catholic environment, I didn’t hear anything much about it. On the few occasions I attended confession, it didn’t even occur to me to mention how much I enjoyed my time in the bathroom with mom’s hand soap. Masturbation was a secret thing, but not because it was shameful or embarrassing – more because it was a body function, private like the rest of them. I had, as I think everyone has, a couple of instances of getting walked in on by family members, but it was the same reaction, for me anyway, as I would have had if the bathroom door had opened while I was on the toilet.
It took accession to adulthood for me to find out what it meant to be embarrassed about masturbating, and it arrived in a most unexpected way.